She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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