I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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