So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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