what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
