apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
