there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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