he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
