I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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