Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this boner is exhausting
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
