So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize