yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
