I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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