How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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