matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
