A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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