Jerry, you need to find god
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
