Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up under a house in Key West
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