i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
