Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
