FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
