You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
