Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
