I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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