just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
