then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
