Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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