My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
