then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize