If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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