Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
