I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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