Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found puke in my bra..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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