Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
