i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
