i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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