Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
