so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
