Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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