just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's even glitter on my cock...
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