need another drink. this is the easiest way
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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