Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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