I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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