Do you still have your period?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Text me some of your sweat
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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