He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
