And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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