i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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