I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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