I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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