You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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