my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
