I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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