Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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