someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
