Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
