Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
