Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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