Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
