She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
