I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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