is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
