In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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