I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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