Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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