dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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