I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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