We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
