she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
