God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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