can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
