she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize