I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
