Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.

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(631): View more from New York

I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

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(847): View more from Illinois

You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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(407): View more from Florida

Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

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(956): View more from Texas

Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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(607): View more from New York

Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

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(210): View more from Texas

With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created

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(360): View more from Washington

You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.

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