Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
