There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
